Monday Evening News Hash

There’s no use making excuses–this week you’re getting an evening news hash instead of a morning one, because sometimes hobbits are just lazy. I don’t apologize for it, either. It’s amazing how little happened during the day today, anyway.

We’ll start by noting that George McGovern was awesome, and that he is now dead. We are worse off for his passing, but even seasoned hobbits have a lot to learn from his example.

Speaking of death and things, I am cheered to report tonight that, according to Fidel Castro, Fidel Castro is not dead, or even kind of dead. In fact, he doesn’t “even remember what a headache is.” Viva, Fidel. Viva. At the same time, Brother Raul has ended the longstanding travel exit permit policy. Now if only I were allowed to go there.

Many things made sense in the past week, but fortunately not everything. Basically, there is a German guy who is the cosmic teacher of the Academy for Future Health, which is a cult into doomsday, aliens, and guns. (What other kind is there?) Oh, it’s also in the Dominican Republic, where they just had a shootout.

Due to the collapse last month of the right-wing government, something that is fun in nearly all circumstances, it appears as though the Netherlands may not ban marijuana coffee shops for foreigners after all.

Some are alarmed that Russia does not intend to renew the decades-old Nunn-Lugar nuclear reduction agreement with the United States, and I’ll admit that this is a bummer. On the flip side of things, though, we were treated to this delightful piece of nuclear war nostalgia. Missile, missile, missile, indeed.

This right here is the best advice you’ll get all week.

And finally, we’ll close out with a shoutout to the victorious Lithuanian leftists.

That’s all for now…but be sure and follow @monadnockwizard for my live-tweeting of the final presidential debate.

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